Quote of the day: Boehner wins the choots-pah award

Listen, I, I’d like to act. We’ve got a humanitarian crisis on the border, and that has to be dealt with. But the president clearly isn’t going to deal with it on his own, even though he has the authority to deal with it on his own.
~ John Boehner, on 7/23, in response to a reporter's question on why Congress hasn't acted on the border "crisis"


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! All the laughs!

Look, Mr. Boehner, you can't have it both ways.

You happen to be taking the President to court because he acted on his "authority to deal with [shit you won't] on his own". Did you forget that fact?

I don't think you have. You have completely set up the President for a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario that is totally perpetuated by the media, who is afraid to report facts. Like the President is within his authority to use executive powers. Or that Congress can't (or won't) do shit for the country because (whispers) the President is black, and how on earth can we let (whispers) the black dude, have any sort of positive record? Why, it would mean that the entire stereotype of the lazy, violent, do-nothing, live off the state black male that you've spent centuries perpetuating might be a false narrative. And then we might elect another black dude one day! Why, my delicate sensibilities!  *faints dead away*

The truth is this. President Obama has asked for funding to help control the "situation" on the border - which Bee Tee Dubs is not a "situation" requiring little children to be shot on sight, sent to jail, yelled at, mocked with misspelled signs, or any other such Christian American Way nonsense as your peeps have perpetuated in the name of Jeebus our holy rolling over in his grave lord. (wait - does Jesus have a grave to roll over in if he got up out of it? Just askin. Jew here.) You have refused to give up that funding. Because "humanitarian crisis" and all.

If the President were to act unilaterally (like, "on his own" and all), you would get to call him out and criticize whatever he does. Without having to commit to anything at all during an election year. Because then you might get called out by some other compassionate conservative for actually doing your job and helping people and then lose the election. Because helping people? Blasphemy!!! Personal Responsibility!!! (^TM Paul Ryan)

But to actually out loud in public for realz say you aren't going to do your job because the President isn't "overstepping his authority" to "deal with it on his own"?

That takes choots-pah... errrr.... chutzpah. (because again: Jew here.)

And for that, you win the You've Got Balls award today.