The right to teach my children what I want them to learn... and only what I want them to learn

This has been a battle cry of the far right for several years, most notably when discussing sex education and contraception education in schools. It has now moved on to how we teach history and ethnic studies and science.

First of all, I have to say that I am tremendously distressed by the movement to limit our children's access to knowledge. It's borne out of fear, plain and simple. Fear that our children might believe something different than ourselves. And borne out of a fear that educating the masses will cause them to think for themselves. And thus, think differently than us. And by "us", I refer to those in power, or a parent's fear of a child not reinforcing their own beliefs, thus validating themselves in the process. In the conservative world, this means that they might become liberal, atheist, or embrace some other "left-wing" ideology.

I look at things a little differently.

First off, YES. It is MY responsibility to teach my children to become moral, valuable people who treat others with respect and keep an open mind when it comes to learning new things. I do this in several ways. I give my children a religious education. They learn about their history and the history of their people at Sunday school. They learn the language of their people at Hebrew school. They learn the values of our religion by going to services and becoming part of the religious community.

Do I think thast everyone should have to belong to my temple? No. Do I believe that everyone should respect my right to belong to my temple? Yes.

I also teach my children the concepts of moral, valuable behavior by simply talking to them. We talk about all sorts of things - from current political issues to old historical issues, to science and everything in between.

I also teach my children to be moral, valuable people by my own actions. Do I always make the right decisions? No. Do I always try to make the right decisions? Yes. Do my children know this? Yes. 

It is MY responsibility to sit down with my children at the dinner table and ask what they learned in school that day. And to then supplement their science class with discussion, so that I'm certain they understand the issues, where I stand on the issues and why, and why learning about these issues is important. To talk about their history lesson and the implications it has on the world today and on the future of our community, our country, and the world. To talk about why reading that book they hate can be so important as they go through life.

It is NOT the responsibility of my child's school to be the sole source of information for my kids. I don't know of anyone who believes that our education system should work that way. Anyone who believes that the only education our children get is from school is either deluding themselves or is plain stupid.

Kids learn from the world around them. They learn from their parents. Not just what we say, but what we do and how we act and treat others. They learn from their friends. They learn from the world around them. And it's our job as parents to vet the information they get from their friends and the external world and filter it through our own values and morals. This teaches our children to look at the world through a wider lens than just what their parents think. It teaches them to analyze information and discuss outcomes and repercussions of decision-making. It teaches them to be independent thinkers. And while some may be afraid of what that implies (loss of control over other human beings and their thoughts), I view it as a job well done. I WANT my kids to be independent thinkers. To be innovative. To be tolerant. To be thoughtful, not just in the way they treat others, but in the true definition of the word - to THINK about the world around them and act in a way that implies they have THOUGHT about their actions and all that entails.

My kids want to go away to college. I view this as a parental victory. Not because I don't want them with me. Heck, they both promised to marry me, right? Even if it was 15 years ago, I will always be their first love. Take THAT, potential daughters-in-law...  But I digress. I view their desire to go away to college as a victory because I am raising independent, confident children. Young adults who are confident in their ability to navigate the world around them. Who have a thirst for knowledge and the desire to go seek it out. This signals a parental victory in my view. Will I miss them. Oh, and how. Will they come home and visit me? They'd better. Will they still love me? Of course. Will they carry the lessons they've learned in our home wherever they go? Absolutely.

It is NOT my job as a parent to ensure my child learns nothing of the world. Keeping my children from learning about other cultures, about not just the good things our country has done, but the not-so-good and the lessons that can be learned from those outcomes, and from learning about how to protect themselves out in the world is destructive to their growth as human beings. And by that, I don't mean teaching them to use that AK-47 in the front room to protect against the FedEx guy when he comes knocking. I mean ensuring they have the knowledge of how to protect themselves when they go off to college and have that first real relationship. And yes, I'm actually talking about knowing they know how to use a condom. And knowing they know how to treat a woman properly, and that no means no. Ensuring they know that they don't live in a vacuum. That their actions impact others around them as well as the world and environment around them.  Ensuring they know how to speak up for themselves if they believe they are being treated unfairly and to know what options they have if being discriminated against. Ensuring that no matter what job they have, they are prepared for that environment.

I live in what I like to refer to as the "Bible belt" of my county. People in my city tend toward the very conservative and fundamentalist. My kids have already each encountered antisemitism. They've encountered bullying. It's my job as a parent to ensure that they know the appropriate way to manage those situations, and to back them up if necessary. But I also believe it's the job of my public school system to have my back. To supplement that home-teaching with the lesson that listening to others is important. That we don't all think, believe, and act the same. That there are basic tenets of decency that we all should live by. We don't need to call it the Ten Commandments. We don't need to teach it as Bible. The ideas taught in the bible boil down to The Golden Rule. Treat others as you would wish them to treat you.

If we teach our kids this one concept, at home and at school, there would be far less intolerance. There would be far less violence. There would be far less acrimony. There would be studied discussion and debate around what is good for our country. There would be no cheering for 234 people put to death in one state. There would be no cheering at the thought of letting a fellow human being die because they lacked health insurance. There would be no suppression of human rights and no birth control debate.

But it is also my job, and the most important one I will ever undertake, to ensure that my kids are prepared to go out into the world as independent adults, make decisions for themselves, be able to provide for themselves, and to be good people. Am I saying that they should accept blindly what they are taught in school? No, of course not. In fact, just the opposite. I am saying that what our children learn in school should lead to discussions. Discussions with their friends. Discussions around the dinner table. Discussions of the pros and cons of what they learned. Of how we can take what they learned and do it better next time. Or learn not to do it again. So our children can see where we stand on the issues. If we've done our job right, they will always side with treating people respectfully. If we haven't done our jobs right, our children will be ignorant. Afraid. Unable to think and reason for themselves. Unable to participate in global dialogue. Or even local or national dialogue.

Do I expect the support of my public school in this endeavor? Yes. Do I expect my public school to teach my kids morals? No. But do I expect my school to provide an environment which supports what I teach them at home about fairness, equality, and character? Yes.

If I don't care for the way the public schools operate, I have options. If I want my children to receive a religious education rather than a secular one, I have options. I can home-school my kids. I can send them to private school (either parochial or secular). I have many friends who have done this. Do I think less of them? No. Do I expect the public schools to teach religion? No, not in the sense of religion as a spiritual journey. But learning about other cultures often involves learning about other religions. This breeds tolerance. We are afraid of the unknown. As a people, this is natural and normal. In order to not be afraid, we shouldn't strive to suppress anything that is not like us, but embrace learning about those who are different than us. Knowledge is power. Knowledge suppresses fear.

Rewriting history to deny that we ever kept slaves or that slavery was good because it drove our economy does not do our children any favors. In fact, it's detrimental. To have no sense of the consequences of history dooms us to repeat it. "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." ~ George Santayana (1905) Reason in Common Sense, volume 1 of The Life of Reason. While as a Jew, I've heard this most often in context with the Holocaust, it applies to so many other things in American (and world) history.

But since I'm focused on what's happening in America... if we don't remember what happened when we enslaved an entire people for our own profit and sense of self-worth, we are bound to repeat it. If we don't remember what happened when we treated the Native Americans as savages simply because they lived differently than us and we had an inflated opinion of our own society and culture, we are bound to repeat it. If we don't remember how we mistreated children by forcing them to work long hours in dangerous conditions, we are bound to repeat it. If we don't remember the consequences of armed citizens in the streets running around willy-nilly shooting others over simple disagreements, we are bound to repeat it. If we don't remember the consequences of not paying people a living wage, we are bound to repeat it. If we don't remember the consequences of unsafe working conditions, we are bound to repeat it. If we don't remember the consequences of back alley abortions, we are bound to repeat it. If we don't remember the consequences of religious oppression, we are bound to repeat it.

If we don't remember the golden rule, we are bound to lose our humanity.

Fear breeds intolerance. Fear breeds anger. Fear breeds violence.

Why would you want your children to be afraid, intolerant, angry, and violent?

We have a presidental candidate touring the country telling people that to go to college means you are a snob. (Of course, at the same time telling us that his charitable contributions were less than the other candidates because he had 3 children to send to college.) The desire to learn and expand our world-view is not one of snobbery. The desire to suppress the seeking of knowledge is one of pure fear. You cannot control those around you if they are knowledgable. You cannot control those around you if they have access to additional information and know what to do with it. You cannot control those around you if they have access to people different than themselves, people who think, look, and act differently than themselves. Additionally, telling people not to strive to better themselves through knowledge goes against everything our founding fathers stood for. Everything our country has ever stood for. Hell, it goes against everything humanity has ever stood for. As long as there have been people, there has been the desire to learn. To expand. To improve. To grow. Through knowledge.

Knowledge breeds power. Knowledge breeds tolerance. Knowledge breeds debate, and discussion, and yes, disagreement. But knowledge also grants us the tools to treat those we disagree with, with dignity. With respect. It teaches us the value of compromise. Of the greater good. Of how the real world works.

The mantra of the far right over the last few years has been that we are going to be the first generation whose children are less successful than ourselves.

Our children will never be able to be successful in the global world if they are cloaked in ignorance. If they refuse to accept things that the rest of the world believes, or even to acknowledge that others have the right to believe what they want and think for themselves. If they refuse to accept other people as they are, rather than attempt to force them to fit into their own mold and world-view.

And THAT, my friends, is what will make the next generation less successful than ours.

Not the economy.
Not the price of gas.
Not the changing climate.

What will make our children less successful than us, is sending them out into the world unprepared and ignorant in interpersonal relationships. Ignorant in how to conduct themselves in a multicultural world. Ignorant in how to conduct themselves in business. Ignorant in how to learn. And grow. And prosper.

That is not the world I want for my children. Is it the world you want for yours?