Random thoughts on love and marriage

Reposted from my personal blog (intentionally unlinked). Original date: May 24, 2007

A few posts by my fellow bloggers have made me think about my love life, and other friends and acquaintances have asked Bob & me how we keep such a good thing going. So I started thinking...

We truly, honestly like each other. I think Bob is one of the nicest people I have ever met. And funny? Don't get me started. He totally cracks me up. Our senses of humor totally mesh. One of his friends told him if it wasn't for sarcasm, Bob would be mute. Ummm, sarcasm, anyone?

I love the way that we think completely in sync with each other. We literally finish each other's thoughts. Constantly. Perfect example. Last night we were at temple for my nephew's confirmation. We were looking for a parking place in the lot, which was packed. Steve asks, "What are you doing?" At the same time, we both say, "Trolling for a parking spot." Bob looks at me, eyebrows raised. How many people would say trolling? Looking for a spot, yes. Trolling? And this happens to us all the time.

I quite simply adore my husband. I think he's sexy as all get out. He has the most amazing laugh lines around his gorgeous blue eyes, not to mention his great butt :)

I think the key to it all is 4 simple words. Love. Compromise. Respect. Laughter. We always respect each other's opinions. Even when we disagree, we always respect the other's right to have their dissenting opinion (even if I'm always right, we've been together long enough for him to have perfected the "yes, dear" phrase *g*). And when we do disagree, we compromise - who is the issue truly most important to? 9 times out of 10, that question clears up any doubts we may have about which way to go. And we laugh. A lot. At each other, at our kids, at ourselves, at life in general.

If I'm selfish today, I can't be selfish tomorrow. Selfishness has to be the exception, not the rule. As the exception, it is understood, and accepted. "Bad day" and all that. As the rule, you are simply selfish. Selfishness has no place in a relationship. The relationship has to be open and only have room to expand - to take in each other, your children, your friends, your family. You have to give each other the freedom to be who you are. Bob is a musician. If he wasn't in a band playing his guitar and singing, he would wither away. It's not only my duty as his wife and partner, it's my pleasure to support him in that. Even if it means that he spends 2 nights a week away from us. It's what makes him happy and whole. Without it, he'd be unhappy, resentful and not the man I fell in love with. He, in turn, doesn't bat an eye when I ask him to skip a practice - I'd only do so if it was important. If I want "alone time", or want to go away to meet friends for a weekend, he's right there encouraging me.

I can't remember a night in 27 years that we haven't gone to sleep without saying "I love you." And I don't say it in the "take you for granted" way either. I really mean it when I say it. We had our anniversary earlier this week. My mom asked me what I got. Nothing. We don't do gifts. We spent the evening together. That's our gift to each other.

Our kids have never heard us fight. Ever. Not because we do it in secret - we just don't fight. Not even over money. Not even during PMS. This man to die for recognizes PMS at its earliest signs and tells me to leave the house and go buy a book. How can you not love him? (even if he really just wants me to leave LOL). I think our last fight was in 1986, when we broke up for a whole day. {{{shudder}}} that was horrid!

So where is this all leading? Well, beats me. But for our friends who say to us "I want what you have", my first instinct is always to say you can - you just have to be willing to work at it. But then I realize how precious and rare my love and marriage is, and I pause. If you have that special someone, you definitely can. But it takes courage and commitment. Love. Respect. Compromise. Laughter.

Edited to add Bob's thoughts: The only thing he had to add was one other word to my 4. Patience. He cracked a joke that no other woman would have waited 8 years for a marriage proposal. But seriously, only one of us is allowed to lose it at a time. It's tacitly agreed.

And we agreed on one other thing. All these things work together, and make for a happy marriage that works, but they only equal true bliss if you are with your soulmate. We feel truly blessed.