It can be done

Tolerance. Respect. Embracing difference. It can all be done.

We'll be sending our son off to college in a couple of weeks. He and his friends have been having lots of parties to say goodbye to each other. A lot. As I see all the pictures getting posted on Facebook, it occurred to me that yes, it can be done. Spirited debate, but debate that never loses respect. Tolerance for different backgrounds and races and religions.

I've said before that we live in what I like to call the bible belt of our county. It's a highly Republican, highly fundamentalist Christian area. Church, Elton Gallegly, Buck McKeon, guns, and God. Here is the breakdown of the demographics for the school district in 2011:

Race/Ethnicity	# students	%
African American/Black	259	1.30%
Asian American	1,437	7.21%
Caucasian/White	11,791	59.15%
Filipino	362	1.82%
Hispanic/Latino	5,577	27.98%
Native American/Alaska Native	109	0.55%
Pacific Islander	29	0.15%
Multiracial	369	1.85%

source: www.kidsdata.org

In a city that's 88% white and Latino, my son has a group of friends that consists of Jews, Indians, Japanese, Venezuelans, Italians, African-Americans, and Mexicans, among others. That is just the core group of friends.

They are everything from Jewish to Catholic, to Unitarian, to fundamentalist, to Hindi, to evangelical Glenn Beck lovers. Some are planning on 4-year universities, some on community college, some on the military, some will just try to find jobs. Some come from "intact, nuclear, traditional" families. Some from divorce. Some with single mothers, some with both parents. Some are abstinent and some are having sex like rabbits.

But the one thing all of these amazing kids have in common is tolerance. They are born with it. They embrace their differences and come together on their similarities. They respect that each of them has a viewpoint and that it may or may not differ from their own. They argue over issues. Hell, they argue over what to put on their pizza.

And yet, they manage to spend almost every day together. Without petty disagreements over whose god is better, or whose interpretation of the bible is right. Without pulling a gun and standing their ground. Sure they have political discussions - what group of educated 18 year olds can be completely blind to this election? (Really, don't answer that.) And many of their political views were shaped by their parents.

Just like kids everywhere.

But...

Every one of them is unfailingly polite, well mannered, educated, and non-judgmental (except in that judgy way that teenagers judge). They are very much a "live and let live" group of kids. I couldn't be prouder of my son and his group of friends. They are everything that one would hope that kids would grow up to be; the embodiment of what America is and should be. They are our future.

I'm sure there are groups of kids like this all over the country.

So why the hell is it so hard for the grownups to do the same?

Adults can learn a lot from observing and respecting kids. My kids and their friends do not live in fear. They aren't afraid that someone will try to take their god away from them. They aren't afraid to voice their own opinions - hell, to form their own opinions. They aren't afraid to learn. To expand their world view. They aren't afraid to dissent (oh, if only they didn't dissent on our rules and decisions in the house!). They value other's opinions, and they value their own opinions. They have a strong sense of social justice, of right and wrong. They live by the Golden Rule. Mostly. (They are teenagers, after all.)

They are heading off to college, yet they are not snobs. They will vote in November - not all of them will vote democratic. In fact, likely very few of them will vote blue. Why suppress their vote and their voice?

Let these future politicians and doctors and soldiers and mothers and fathers and cashiers and lawyers and Wall Street execs have their say. And respect what they think.

Watch them. Learn from them. And yes, emulate them. Because they are doing a hell of a lot better than many of the adults they are supposed to emulate.