Anger and/or compassion after Orlando - is one right or wrong?

A conversation on Facebook, as well as two perfect monologues last night in the wake of the Orlando mass murder has me thinking. As we all should be.

Which is the appropriate response? Anger? Compassion?

I contend that either is fine. As an initial response. (see yesterday's post on thoughts and prayers). But what about those of us with the power to create change?

Everyone grieves in their own way. There is no right or wrong way to express honest grief. Last night, Jimmy Fallon perfectly expressed my sorrow in his opening comments on The Tonight Show. Sam Bee perfectly expressed my anger in her opening of the perfectly brilliant Full Frontal. (see both below)

Are either of them right or wrong? Nope. Everyone grieves in their own way.

I have grieved and cried in private over the loss of 50 beautiful young lives and for the horror and pain that the 53 injured and all those who were there will live with the rest of their days. And the shock and sorrow their families and loved ones must feel. If there was anything that I could personally do to ease their pain, I would do it in a heartbeat.

But I also believe we are at a point where in addition to being loving and caring to those families, and offering our thoughts and prayers, if we don't take decisive action this will never stop. Action that says what kind of a people we are. What kind of a society we choose to live in. One where we value inanimate objects over children? Or one where we value the lives of our citizens?

We should value our people more than a document written by imperfect people who had the best intentions and declared how things should be in a perfect world in 1788. The framers of the constitution also thought slavery was hunky dory and that blacks were worth only 3/5 of a human being. So we know they were wrong on some things.

The constitution is not absolute.

We cry "Freedom!" when anyone talks about "taking our guns away." But none of us are truly free when we live in fear every day of our lives. That is not freedom. That is tyranny. A tyranny of our own making.

So yes, I am angry. Furious. That we as a nation have so little compassion. That we allow words written 240 years ago to be more important than human life today. That we are so enamored of money and power and politics over human life and dignity.

So yes. I grieve. Every single time this happens. Which is more than once a day, if you only  count those with 4 or more victims. Add in those with 3 or fewer and I would spend 24 hours a day grieving for the unnecessary loss of human life. As a human being, I simply cannot do that and still survive.

I can only grieve so many times before I have to speak out.

And try to DO something to stop it.

All I have is my voice, my vote, and my dollars.


Sam Bee on Full Frontal


Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show

The power of prayer on public policy (hint: none)

Prayer is great for introspection, but it does not get anything practical done. It's the only option many of us have in horrible situations, other than our vote. But make no mistake. It doesn't accomplish anything concrete other than to make us feel better and let others know we're thinking of them. Sometimes, that's all we have and all we can do. But other times, it needs to be used in conjunction with other things - like meaningful public policy.

Prayer doesn't stop people from buying assault weapons. It doesn't create rain in a drought. It doesn't fix floods. It doesn't stop the decay of our atmosphere from overuse of fossil fuels.  Do you know what fixes these things? Policy. Money. Governments. Commitment. People.

In the wake of another mass murder using assault weapons legally purchased (even though the murderer was on the terror watch list at one point, was a domestic abuser, and had been interviewed by the FBI 3 times for terror) all politicians had to offer up was their thoughts and prayers.

Igor Volsky called them out as hypocrites on twitter for their thoughts and prayers. It's not that thoughts and prayers aren't important on a personal level. For many of us, they are. But incessant thoughts and prayers when you are in a position to change outcomes eventually become meaningless.

Do you know what would have kept Volsky from calling those politicians out? Had those hypocritical politicians said "Sending thoughts and prayers for the victims. This is unacceptable and I will work to fix our flawed gun legislation."

When you are in a position of power to make meaningful change, thoughts and prayers only go so far before they become meaningless.

via sandyhookshame.com

If you want those thoughts and prayers offered up by politicians to mean something, then we as a nation need to do a few things.

1. Speak with your vote. Elect representation that supports curbing gun violence with assault weapons bans, universal background checks, putting terrorists and felons and domestic abusers on a no buy list, and a constitutional amendment regarding campaign finance reform that takes special interests (like the NRA) out of the equation (thanks for Citizen's United, SCOTUS).

2. Demand that your representatives do their jobs. Call. Email. Write old fashioned letters. @ them on social media. Tell them that you expect more than thoughts and prayers. You expect them to ACT.

3. Get involved. Join a legitimate organization, volunteer. Make your voice heard and help others to make their voices heard.

4. Elevate the discourse in this country. Ensure that we don't allow super-nationalism, xenophobia, homophobia, racism, and religious zealotry to have a legitimate voice in public policy.

5. Speak with your wallet. If organizations promote hatred, don't shop there. If you don't agree with an organization's political position, it's ok to not give them your hard earned dollars. Here's some examples: I don't agree with Chick-Fil-A's homophobic position. I have never eaten there. I haven't bought food from Domino's since I discovered in the early 90s that they gave $0.10 of every dollar to the Right to Life foundation. It may not mean anything to those organizations individually, but if many people do it, then it has the chance to work. Even if it doesn't, it makes me feel better to know that I am not personally funding hatred.

6. Promote public education. Insist your states & localities fund it. We had a wonderful public education system until ignorance and religion, as well as budget crises, underfunded it. This is why our government collects taxes.

Speaking of taxes... government does not exist to be run as a business. It's not a for-profit entity - no matter how much some people think it is. It exists to take care of its citizens. Tax dollars are important and are the primary way the government takes care of its people. Among other things, they keep our roads drivable and our bridges crossable, our people healthy and sheltered, our children educated, and provide disaster relief.

From the Preamble to the Constitution (bolding mine):

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

From Article 1, Section 8:

The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; 

If you feel like your government isn't taking care of you, then insist that it does. First and foremost, with your vote. Then by being a vocal advocate.

One other note: we have freedom of speech in this country. However, freedom of speech in public does not free you (or me) from the consequences of that speech, especially when it comes to your employment or your reputation. Example: Using your employment platform to spout your personal beliefs.

So continue your thoughts and prayers. I'm sure that they make you feel like you are doing something to fight back in a violent and uncertain world.

But if you are in a position to do effect meaningful change, your thoughts and prayers are not enough.

Guns... guns... guns... and more guns

AP Photo / Brennan Linsley

As of the writing of this post, there are still no final conclusions as to the motive or group affiliations of the terrorist that killed 50 people and injured 53 more at a nightclub in Orlando. Some things are known:

• He had a history of domestic violence.
• He hated gays.
• He was Muslim.
• ISIS claimed responsibility.
• Politicians who have actively and openly hated on the LGBTQ community are now sending "thoughts & prayers".
  

  @GovMikeHuckabee https://t.co/bt90FLd3M5

  — christopher575 (@christopher575) June 12, 2016

• Except asshat Lt. Gov Dan Patrick of TX
  
  (who then put out this press release after a shitton of backlash)
     
• Also except asshat Donald Drumpf.
  

  Appreciate the congrats for being right on radical Islamic terrorism, I don't want congrats, I want toughness & vigilance. We must be smart!

  — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 12, 2016

  
  (who then did not put out a statement after a shitton of backlash)
  
  
• POTUS likes Rush
  
• None of this is due to the easy availability of guns. Of course it's not! How could you even think that?! That's blasphemous!

And once again, the requisite Facebook replies:

• Guns didn't kill people, people killed people. - Yes, WITH GUNS.
• Bad guys don't follow laws. - It's usually these people who are quick to want laws surrounding so many other things (regulating my uterus being at the top of the list). Also, they have no answer for the "why have laws at all, then"? Other than "RIGHT! We shouldn't have laws - we should be able to whatever the hell we want, because Murica! Freedom!" 
• Even without guns they will find a way to kill people. - Sure, but it's pretty tough to kill 50 people in a few seconds with a knife.
• But... the gun was bought illegally. I'm a LAW-ABIDING gun owner. - See above ^. Also, if we didn't have > 1 gun for every human being in America, maybe illegal weapons wouldn't be so damned easy to get.
• 2nd Amendment, yo! - The 2nd amendment argument is pretty null and void in my mind at this point - muskets couldn't kill 50 people in seconds. Also, the founding fathers definitely meant the Constitution to be a living, breathing document that changed with the times.

 

click to enlarge

PS: President Obama didn't add this quote to the Jefferson Memorial to justify his treasonous, Muslim, Kenyan activities. It was there long before he even became a glimmer in his daddy's eye. President Roosevelt dedicated it in 1943.


I've talked about guns millions of times before. Frankly, I'd like to repeal the 2nd amendment altogether. I'm past the whole "responsible gun owner" shit. I'm past "let's regulate guns like cars - with forced registration, insurance, written & proficiency tests every 4 years, safety regulations, etc". I don't frankly know what else the answer could be. Other countries have figured this out and don't have the number of mass murders we do. In our nationalistic zeal, we refuse to admit that another country might do something better than us.

That this happened during gay pride and was an attack on LGBTQ people in one of their safe spaces is getting lost in the shuffle, and I don't intend that at all. It's huge. And awful. And needs to stop now. There are so many others more qualified to talk about the impact on the LGBTQ community than I am. I just hope they know they have an ally in me.

What happened in the early morning hours in Orlando is horrifying. I'm beyond shocked and have moved directly into anger. I storified my tweets & RTs from this morning about this.

Our President is right. Thoughts and prayers mean nothing if we don't take action. There is an election coming up. Please get involved. If this amount of gun violence is unacceptable to you, vote out your gun-loving congress-idiot.

Not sure who's taking money from the NRA or other gun-lobby groups to vote down gun control legislation? After the San Bernardino shooting, Igor Volsky of Think Progress put together a series of tweets calling those folks out. He did it again this morning.

Enough is enough.

The patriarchal society that perpetuates rape, AKA Idiots on social media

This is one of those times where I would say, "Cover your eyes, Mom - there's going to be a lot of swearing." Sadly, my mom passed away last week. But I know that she is cringing wherever she is, so I'll say it anyway. Cover your eyes, Mom. There's going to be a lot of swearing.

Rape has been back in the spotlight this past week, with the offensive sentence given to yet another athlete student convicted rapist who would have his whole life ruined if he went to jail for a long time. *wrings hands* Think of his future!

Who cares what the victim went through. That poor boy. SMH. His life ruined over 20 minutes of action. His father is despondent (see below). Such a shame.

#brockturner father: son not "violent" only got "20 mins of action" shouldn't have to go to prison. @thehuntinground pic.twitter.com/IFECJs687b

— Michele Dauber (@mldauber) June 5, 2016

So... as seems to happen every time a rapist goes essentially free, there is a chart floating around social media, declaring (accurately) that the only cause of rape is rapists. My husband (oh, how I love him) posted it on his Facebook page.

Of course, this always seems to bring out the misogynist nut cases who insist that if only a woman would act like a lady, they wouldn't get violated.

I usually try to stay out of these because it makes my blood pressure go through the roof, but I was seething last night. SEETHING.

First, this comment by a former student of the hub, in response to the "rediculous chart":

"All of the rape victims I know share a few common threads....flirtatious nature, inappropriate attire, drinks to excess. How many conservatively dressed, well-behaved, sober women out there are getting raped? Just saying."

First off, if "all of the rape victims you know" incorporates that many women, I wonder why you aren't more sympathetic. Or are they all sluts who are asking for it? Also, if you generalize in such a way, I'm guessing that all the rape victims you know don't really want to know you.

Second, there are millions of women each year that are raped, who were wearing jeans, t-shirts, stone cold sober, sleeping in their own beds minding their own business. Also, it doesn't matter if the victim was stark naked and drunk as a skunk. You don't stick your dick (or anything else) into someone without permission. The end. Her clothes, or her drink, or her smile do not imply "Please stick your dick or some other object into my body."

Let me repeat that:
You don't stick your dick (or anything else) into someone without permission. The end.

Third, it doesn't matter to these people how the woman acted.

If she was smiling, she invited it.
If she wasn't smiling, she's a bitch who deserves what she got.
If she was drinking, she deserves what she got.
If she wasn't drinking, she's an antisocial bitch who deserves what she got.
If she wore a short skirt, she invited it.
If she wore jeans, she's an uppity feminist who deserves what she got.

See how this works with those folks?

So I posted a link about rape myths, complete with citations, to try to educate this idiot, because that's how I (try to) roll.

His response?

"I saw nothing in that article to dispell my claim. Let me be clear. I'm not condoning rape. I'm just saying that it can be avoided. Just the same, it can be encouraged."

No. NO. Rape is NOT encouraged. Not by what a woman wears, not by what she drinks, not by smiling and laughing with another person. Just NO. Comments like that try to turn rape into just a sexual encounter. Rape is a crime of violent power. It is not about sex - it's about exerting your power over another human being through violent sexual assault.

To which I got the stock answer about teaching your daughter to be a lady. Fucktard.

"If you had a daughter, would you condone her drinking, dressing provocatively, being flirtatious, and hanging out at wild parties and bars or would you encourage her to dress conservatively, choose her friends wisely, and conduct herself like a lady?"

Here's the thing. I did many of those things in college and during the years after, and interestingly, not one single solitary man decided it was his right to rape me because I wasn't living up to his definition of "a lady". Shocking, I know.

Instead of the offensive suggestion that I should make my daughter conform to patriarchal definitions of what should define a woman (or as he so condescendingly put it, a "lady"), my husband and I decided to teach our sons to respect all people, to never take advantage of people, and to help people when they need it. What a concept, I know.

I had my son (and his friend - heh) read the letter from the survivor in the Stanford rape case. It is powerful stuff. I also had them read the statements from the 2 men who stepped up and did something. Who stopped Turner and caught him, and held him until police arrived. Because that is what I would expect of my sons. Of anyone who witnessed such a crime.

Until we stop this idiotic centuries-old notion that women are asking for it, that if they would just act or dress or behave like a lady, well golly gee - men would protect and defend them, rapists like Brock Turner will continue to get 6 months.

And don't even get me started on the privilege and entitlement that Turner and his family exuded. What do you suppose the sentence would have been if he was black? Pretty sure we can all agree that it wouldn't be 6 months.

Women are not complicit in their rape.

Rape is a violent crime, an abuse of power, perpetrated by a criminal onto a victim.

Get that into your big fat head and shut the everloving fuck up.




PS: Learn how to spell.

I have feelings about the Democratic primary and Bernie Sanders

I have feelings about a man who has admirably spent his entire political career as an Independent coming in as a Democrat, bitching about the Democratic party, and then criticizing the policies of the Democratic Party when they don't support his agenda. For that, Bernie Sanders wins today's You've Got Balls award.

Don't get me wrong, I like many of Bernie Sanders' positions. I disagree with many of his positions as well. But he'll never get anything done in Washington as President. Congress is a real thing in our world. The President doesn't get to make all the laws. We have a Constitution. And a really stupid Congress. And if Sanders really thinks he can get an obstructionist, stupid Congress to even do anything but laugh at his agenda, well.....

I've said this about the Republicans, and I'll say it about the Democrats as well (and the pretend Independent Democrats). This country was founded on compromise. None of the Founding Fathers got everything they wanted. They had to give a little to get a little. Bernie Sanders has drawn a line in the sand. That's not going to get him anywhere. Hillary Clinton is willing to work for the best deal that works for the majority of Americans. And that's what will chip away at the impasse in Washington. President Obama has accomplished a tremendous amount by doing just that. I'd like to continue progress and work our way toward your vision. I believe in your end-vision - I just don't believe that it can be done all in one fell swoop. Unfortunately, it's got to be a process. And you aren't willing to let it be a process.

My point really is this simple, though. You come into the Democratic Party to run for President, which really isn't your party, but is the party that provides you the best chance to get yourself elected. That's pretty opportunistic, if you ask me. Kind of like the manipulation of the system you're railing about in your campaign.

Anyway, you opportunistically decide to run as a Democrat, even though you're an Independent. Then you complain because the Democratic party rules don't suit your purposes. No. It just doesn't work that way.

And then, if you don't get the nomination, you might just go back to your old party, because then you can really disrupt the system and get your supporters to ensure that Trump is elected president. So basically, you're pulling the little kid practice of - "You're being mean to me. Boohoo. I don't wanna come to your stupid birthday party anyway. And I'm gonna tell all my friends not to come to your birthday party either! I'm gonna have a party of my own so nobody comes to your dumb old party. So there!". Thus, ruining all the parties for everyone.

So here's a thought. Then don't hijack a political party for your own gain and then complain about that political party when it doesn't work for you. Time to learn how to play nice with the other kids on the yard.

More on guns and school violence

When I mentioned to my kids that there had been a shooting at UCLA, the following words actually came out of my mouth:

"It was just a murder-suicide."

Just.

That's what we've been reduced to, courtesy of Wayne LaCrazysauce and the NRA.

I once again began thinking about the WHY.

Why have school shootings become an epidemic?

According to Everytown for Gun Safety, “Since 2013, there have been at least 186 school shootings in America — an average of nearly one a week.” The rate of mass shootings has tripled since 2011, according to Harvard School of Public Health.

In the past 10 years, there has been an increased narrative on a few fronts.

First: teachers are the worst. They are lazy, work part time, and are solely responsible for this generation of uneducated young adults and children.

Forget the fact that it's state legislatures and the idiotic House of Representatives that have put a decreased emphasis on education - increasing funding in many instances for "school of choice", for vouchers, for charter schools, and for parochial school and homeschooling - where frequently there is no monitoring of standards, and religious beliefs are given more weight and importance than actual facts.

We not only need to excel in math and science - we need to give students a well-rounded education in all areas. Expose them to art, and music, and history (god yes, please! teach history for chrissake). They need PE - something which is all but disappearing in the elementary and middle schools. And teach them that facts are important! Teach them to question the world around them and to develop their own world view. Not to just accept as gospel the world view of their parents and teachers.

Second, and this is mostly since President Obama has come to take our guns away -  the idea that simply being a US citizen allows you to carry a weapon, concealed or not, anywhere you want. And to use it any time you want. Well, President Obama hasn't taken our guns away (much to my sadness). And yet, the idea that guns are an anger management tool seems ingrained in not just a new generation, but in their parents as well.

You're mad at your teacher? That lazy, do-nothing who didn't give you the grade you want deserves to be shot. Because we haven't told kids that it's wrong. We've taught them through the laws being passed for Stand Your Ground, and no-permit concealed carry on campus, in bars, and in churches is how we can settle arguments. How we defend ourselves from all evil.

We've forgotten to teach a new generation and their parents that we start with words. And that the pen is mightier than the sword. In our immediate gratification society, I want you gone, so I make you gone immediately. Each month, Parents Against Gun Violence posts a list on their Facebook page containing the reasons people were shot in the previous month. They are all idiotic and stupidly selfish anger management tools.

We've taught people that it's ok to kill to get what you want. Don't like my constitutional right to have an abortion? Fine. Blow up the clinic. If you die, you deserved it.  Don't like kids playing their loud music? Fine, shoot them. Don't like your grades? Fine, kill your teacher.

Of course, these only apply to white students, or more specifically, white men. Because if a black woman were to use a gun to stand her ground, she gets sentenced to jail for 20 years. When a white man does it, he gets off scott free with a huge outpouring of donations and a big dose of asshole.

Anywhooo... my original point is this: stop devaluing education in the name of the 1st & 2nd amendments. The more we educate our society (REAL education, people) the less this crap will be tolerated. And the fewer uneducated idiots will get elected to Congress.

Because my hope is to never have to say again, "It was just a murder-suicide."