The patriarchal society that perpetuates rape, AKA Idiots on social media

This is one of those times where I would say, "Cover your eyes, Mom - there's going to be a lot of swearing." Sadly, my mom passed away last week. But I know that she is cringing wherever she is, so I'll say it anyway. Cover your eyes, Mom. There's going to be a lot of swearing.

Rape has been back in the spotlight this past week, with the offensive sentence given to yet another athlete student convicted rapist who would have his whole life ruined if he went to jail for a long time. *wrings hands* Think of his future!

Who cares what the victim went through. That poor boy. SMH. His life ruined over 20 minutes of action. His father is despondent (see below). Such a shame.

#brockturner father: son not "violent" only got "20 mins of action" shouldn't have to go to prison. @thehuntinground pic.twitter.com/IFECJs687b

— Michele Dauber (@mldauber) June 5, 2016

So... as seems to happen every time a rapist goes essentially free, there is a chart floating around social media, declaring (accurately) that the only cause of rape is rapists. My husband (oh, how I love him) posted it on his Facebook page.

Of course, this always seems to bring out the misogynist nut cases who insist that if only a woman would act like a lady, they wouldn't get violated.

I usually try to stay out of these because it makes my blood pressure go through the roof, but I was seething last night. SEETHING.

First, this comment by a former student of the hub, in response to the "rediculous chart":

"All of the rape victims I know share a few common threads....flirtatious nature, inappropriate attire, drinks to excess. How many conservatively dressed, well-behaved, sober women out there are getting raped? Just saying."

First off, if "all of the rape victims you know" incorporates that many women, I wonder why you aren't more sympathetic. Or are they all sluts who are asking for it? Also, if you generalize in such a way, I'm guessing that all the rape victims you know don't really want to know you.

Second, there are millions of women each year that are raped, who were wearing jeans, t-shirts, stone cold sober, sleeping in their own beds minding their own business. Also, it doesn't matter if the victim was stark naked and drunk as a skunk. You don't stick your dick (or anything else) into someone without permission. The end. Her clothes, or her drink, or her smile do not imply "Please stick your dick or some other object into my body."

Let me repeat that:
You don't stick your dick (or anything else) into someone without permission. The end.

Third, it doesn't matter to these people how the woman acted.

If she was smiling, she invited it.
If she wasn't smiling, she's a bitch who deserves what she got.
If she was drinking, she deserves what she got.
If she wasn't drinking, she's an antisocial bitch who deserves what she got.
If she wore a short skirt, she invited it.
If she wore jeans, she's an uppity feminist who deserves what she got.

See how this works with those folks?

So I posted a link about rape myths, complete with citations, to try to educate this idiot, because that's how I (try to) roll.

His response?

"I saw nothing in that article to dispell my claim. Let me be clear. I'm not condoning rape. I'm just saying that it can be avoided. Just the same, it can be encouraged."

No. NO. Rape is NOT encouraged. Not by what a woman wears, not by what she drinks, not by smiling and laughing with another person. Just NO. Comments like that try to turn rape into just a sexual encounter. Rape is a crime of violent power. It is not about sex - it's about exerting your power over another human being through violent sexual assault.

To which I got the stock answer about teaching your daughter to be a lady. Fucktard.

"If you had a daughter, would you condone her drinking, dressing provocatively, being flirtatious, and hanging out at wild parties and bars or would you encourage her to dress conservatively, choose her friends wisely, and conduct herself like a lady?"

Here's the thing. I did many of those things in college and during the years after, and interestingly, not one single solitary man decided it was his right to rape me because I wasn't living up to his definition of "a lady". Shocking, I know.

Instead of the offensive suggestion that I should make my daughter conform to patriarchal definitions of what should define a woman (or as he so condescendingly put it, a "lady"), my husband and I decided to teach our sons to respect all people, to never take advantage of people, and to help people when they need it. What a concept, I know.

I had my son (and his friend - heh) read the letter from the survivor in the Stanford rape case. It is powerful stuff. I also had them read the statements from the 2 men who stepped up and did something. Who stopped Turner and caught him, and held him until police arrived. Because that is what I would expect of my sons. Of anyone who witnessed such a crime.

Until we stop this idiotic centuries-old notion that women are asking for it, that if they would just act or dress or behave like a lady, well golly gee - men would protect and defend them, rapists like Brock Turner will continue to get 6 months.

And don't even get me started on the privilege and entitlement that Turner and his family exuded. What do you suppose the sentence would have been if he was black? Pretty sure we can all agree that it wouldn't be 6 months.

Women are not complicit in their rape.

Rape is a violent crime, an abuse of power, perpetrated by a criminal onto a victim.

Get that into your big fat head and shut the everloving fuck up.




PS: Learn how to spell.