Hypocrisy, thy name is GOP. Oh, and there's no war on women.

Well, well, well. Hypocrisy is surviving and thriving once again still in the GOP. Women have one set of rules, and GUNZ get another.

You see, this horrid doctor, Kermit Gosnell, was performing late term abortions on women in his clinic, and actually murdered a baby that was born alive. He's a horrible man, and was tried, convicted, and sentenced to life in prison. Nobody disputes this set of terrible circumstances and crimes.

Case closed.

Except it's not.

Because apparently the actions of one horrible criminal necessitate a change to federal law. ASAP. See, what he did was so heinous, we can't ever allow any more doctors to ever perform legal abortions ever again.

Seems our illustrious legislators in Washington are bound and determined that this never happen again. They intend to do this by making abortion, a constitutionally protected right, illegal. Bless their hearts. They're so busy looking out for me. I can't tell them how grateful I am. No, really. I can't tell them.

Per John Boehner:

Asked whether the bill might turn off women voters, Boehner replied, "No. Listen, after this Kermit Gosnell trial and some of the horrific acts that were going on, the vast majority of the American people believe in the substance of this bill and so do I."

And Randy Hultgren (R-IL) had this to say:

"I was deeply shaken by the horrific accounts of Dr. Kermit Gosnell's late-term abortion practices. These gruesome acts need to be barred. It is our duty to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I am proud to cosponsor and support this legislation and fight to protect unborn children."

Also, of COURSE women back this bill, because Marsha Blackburn!

During the debate on HR #1797, the “Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act”, which oh yeah incidentally passed the House today 232-193 (WTF?!?!), we learned a lot of interesting things about pain, pleasure, and fetuses. And i for one, am truly grateful to the GOP for helping me uinderstand what I am obviously too stupid to understand all on my own.

Apparently, babies at 15 weeks are soooooo mature and ready for marriage that they are masturbating in utero. Of course, only boy babies do this because girl babies are far too demure at that age, given that they're still in utero and therefore protected and virginal. According to Rep Michael Burgess, who somehow got his medical degree and actually had his hand up some poor woman's ladyparts as an supposed OB:

“You watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. I mean, they feel pleasure..."

Ahhh. So boys diddling outside the uterus = BAD because GOD, but boys diddling in utero = LIFESAVING because GOD.

Forget that the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and every other doctor in history disputes this - fetuses do not have any purposeful movement at that stage of development.

Louie Gohmert (R-Horrible), everyone's favorite fucktard, told a woman who testified before committee that she should have carried her non-viable fetus to term and given birth to it even though the fetus had no possible chance of life because it had no brain function. Louie's argument seems valid, actually. He obviously does perfectly well with no brain function, so 'sup dumb babykiller lady?

And since this bill seeks to ban abortion at 20 weeks (even though Burgess thought it should be 15 - think of the poor masturbating fetuses!!), they also needed to deal with what happens for us ladies who invite and ask to be raped.

Well, according to Trent Franks (R-Assholeville), the ladies don't get preggers from rape anyway, so no exception needed.

"The incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low", said Franks, himself an OBGYN. Oh wait, no he's not. He's just an asshole.

However, he's apparently a persuasive asshole because he got an exception for rape written into the bill only if the rape is reported. Well, that's helpful. because unless it's reported, it's not really rape. And we all know how well that turns out for women who report it.

So today, the House passed this atrocious law, limiting abortion to 20 weeks. Which, oh yeah, has already been determined by the SCOTUS to be an invalid timeframe. Because 14th Amendment, yo. At least it won't pass the Senate. And if it does, President Obama is sure to veto the shit out of it.

However, this little civics lesson has an actual point, other than simply crying about how fucked up it is that men seem to think they always know what's best for everyone, paternalistic little shits. Oh right. My point. Which is this.

Kermit Gosnell is soooo horrible, and what he did is sooooo atrocious that we have to make a law based upon his criminal actions - and his alone.

Let's look at this in a different light, shall we?

Newtown.

What happened in Newtown to little children (practically fetuses themselves!) was soooo atrocious and soooo horrible that we had to make a law limiting access to assault weapons and ensuring that we know who is purchasing guns. Thank goodness!!!

Wait, what?? Oh, my bad.

What happened in Newtown to little children (practically fetuses themselves!) was soooo atrocious and soooo horrible that we had to make a law expanding everyone's access to assault weapons and all the states need to pass laws nullifying any federal legislation, and Sherrifs are now G-d. Because 2nd Amendment, yo.

Well now. That makes sense. I feel better and more educated. Don't you?