Friday, January 4, 2013

Why good government is like a good marriage

There is a great article over at AddictingInfo today on compromise vs caving.
Question: when did the fine art of compromise, the reasoned maturity of coming to terms with opposing sides, suddenly devolve into the realm of the weak? When did we get so presumptuous, become so politically…pissy?

I could not agree with the author more. I urge you to go over there and read the entire article, because she raises tons of excellent points.

I was once asked about what it takes to make a successful marriage. I would argue that most of the same things I talked about can be applied to legislating as well.

Certainly the parts about compromise. And respect.
(NB: I've posted that article here in the archives for purposes of linking this one to it)

Merriam-Webster defines compromise as such:

com•pro•mise
noun \ˈkäm-prə-ˌmīz\

Definition of COMPROMISE
1 a : settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions
b : something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things
2 : a concession to something derogatory or prejudicial

I love this example they gave:
“You can't always come up with the optimal solution, but you can usually come up with a better solution,” he [Barack Obama] said over lunch one afternoon. “A good compromise, a good piece of legislation, is like a good sentence.” —William Finnegan, New Yorker, 31 May 2004

Our Constitution came into being because we had 55 men willing to lock themselves away from their families and argue, discuss, and compromise on the best shaping of the new US government. From NPS.gov:
In May 1787, 55 delegates from 12 states (Rhode Island declined to participate) met at the Pennsylvania State House to revise the Articles of Confederation. Many of the delegates to what became known as the Constitutional Convention were lawyers and doctors, some were merchants, and a few were farmers. The group included many of the most talented and well respected men in America. Twenty-nine of the delegates had college degrees at a time when few Americans were well-educated. Three-fourths of the men had served in the Continental Congress. As the first order of business, the delegates selected George Washington as president of the convention. They established that each state would have one vote and a majority would rule. All discussions and actions were to be kept secret until finalized, so doors and windows were closed tight despite the stifling summer heat. For the next four months, delegates argued long and hard over how to reshape the government.


When we vacationed on the East coast 2 years ago, we took a tour of Independence Hall. The guide talked about how the Constitutional Convention locked themselves in that small house in the middle of a Philadelphia summer, and worked and worked until they incorporated a bit of everyone’s ideas into the document that shaped our government. First off, hello! Have you ever been to Philadelphia in the summer? Not fun. That is commitment. Second, they worked to incorporate everyone’s ideas. There was no such thing as “My way or the highway.”

Compromise is not a dirty word. The give and take that is required for compromise requires a certain level of maturity – one I would argue is sorely lacking in many members of today’s Congress. Compromise means that although you believe your position is right, you are willing to allow that others may have valuable opinions as well, and are willing to work to bring the best that you both have to offer to the table.

Respect. Another of the most important things that makes a marriage work. Two people cannot work together effectively, efficiently, and productively without respect. Respect is something that is so lacking in today’s political realm. Sure, the old-timers secretly respect their colleagues, but if they were ever to say such blasphemy, they could get nothing more accomplished.

Our country has always been a melting pot of ideas and peoples. Once one group determines that they are the “better” group, and displays no respect for the other group’s intelligence, ideas, or cultures, there is no way to effect meaningful change or improvement for both groups.

Let’s get it clear – no one group is better than another. There are only differences on the outside, but inside? We all have all the same parts. Like the old Wendy’s commercial: “Parts iz parts.” (linked just because I loved that one). Excepting the differences between boy parts and girl parts, which does indeed seem to be a rather large sticking point in the “respect” argument, doesn’t it? The dudes love their outside part, and hate women's inside parts. *sigh*

And last. Patience. For the love of all that is holy, meaningful change takes time.

We live in such an instant gratification society these days. Everything is available electronically. School test scores don’t rise immediately? Fire the teachers! Team doesn’t perform well during rebuilding? Fire the coach! War isn’t won on day 1? Our military sucks and we're on the wrong course! That bill doesn’t fix everything perfectly the first time? Fuggedaboudit!

But we forget that human nature is essentially unchanged. Those things that require thought, and human interaction, and compromise, and respect, and all those other human things take time. There is no instant gratification. Meaningful reform takes time. Meaningful reform in our country has never happened quickly, nor has it happened perfectly the first time. In fact, our founding fathers knew this – they knew we will always need to change up the rules to make them better. That is why we have an amendment process to the Constitution. It’s why Congress is charged with creating new legislation. It’s why the courts review things. It’s why Social Security wasn’t perfect, but it was better. Why the Civil Rights Act wasn’t perfect, but it was better. Why banning automatic weapons and high capacity magazines but allowing people to keep their handguns with some safety modifications isn't perfect, but it's better. And why we must continue to make modifications to all of these things in order to make them more better (TM me).

Much like a marriage, good legislating takes time. It takes patience. It takes respect. It takes compromise.

Much like in a marriage, mutual hatred in government dooms it to failure.

Get off your asses, Congress, and realize that you are not all that and a bag of chips. You are there because the citizens of this country put you there. You have a duty to represent ALL citizens, not just the ones that agree with you. You have a duty to reach the better agreement, even if it isn’t the perfect one.




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